I had on occasions in my previous marriage back 10 years or so. I was not happy. When I look back it was a combination of the pressure the WTS puts on you (meetings,service,study,,blah,blah) and the fact that my pioneer wife was very unbalanced and was way overboard on the whole JW thing. I felt trapped. She told me at least once a week she was not in love with me, felt like she was tormented and had not said the words "I Love You" to me for at least 8 years proir to our divorce. I knew she had romantic feelings for a MS in another cong and was seeing him secretly. I remember being so down once that it was almost over whelming enough to go through with it. At the point I was ready to do it, thoughts of my parents and sister being devistated by my death helped to snap me out of it. When we decided to get divorced I began to feel the pressure come off of me. I have never had such strong feelings and thoughts since. I have however felt "tired out" to the point of wishing I would not wake up from sleep. A new day always brings new experiences, good or bad. I try to concentrate on keeping a positive attitude, which has been working great so far.
Fast forward to present day. From my time being married to Tink and going through her Dad's suicide a month after we were married (Oct 1996), I've learned even more so the utter devistation a suicide has on those who survive the suicide. A survivor of suicide will never be the same, they are changed forever. What helped to save Tink was that I found a group of Survivors of Suicide here in Nashville and accompanied Tink for almost two years to meetings. It is the best thing for families or friends of those who completed suicide to be able to relate to others in the same situation. Many survivors feel they are Pre-dispositioned to doing the same thing their relatives did, but when you relate with others and see that your not alone in your pain, it helps you heal. At first the meetings were very tough to go to. The number of those who lost loved ones to suicide is staggering. Every week we would see two, three, sometimes four new faces who had just experienced their loved ones suicide.
We now go once or twice a year, usually around the anniversary of her Dads death or on Fathers Day. From the experience I have with Tink, I now more than ever, would never feel suicide was an answer of relieving stress and anguish all of us go through in life. If anyone contimplates suicide, they need to invision the greif they will bring to those that survive them. I know in my case that has helped me back away from doing a very perminent thing. It's perminent by removing yourself from this life, and bringing a perminent change in the lives of those who survive.
I know that some have depression so severe that if untreated they may get to the point of stopping their pain by ending their life. I wish all in this situation had the help from professionals to cope and live on. This is a very hard subject to talk about. Suicide has a great stigma attached to it. Those who have lost loved ones to suicide know what I'm refering to. It becomes a very large elephant that everyone never talks about, it just hangs there. We have written to some talk shows to see if they would consider doing a show on survivors of suicide. After many, many attempts we have never gotten a response.
This is a good thread Minimus, tough subject but a good thread.
CC
